if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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