You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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