i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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