I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
