thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize