Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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