I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize