I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
