So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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