I just threw up on my dentist
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
