So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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