I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
