hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Its about making memories worth repressing
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize