i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
