i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
