We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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