dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
