hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
