Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
