walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
