I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
