whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I love you. Go after that dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
