Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Text me some of your sweat
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
