Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm passing your future prison.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
