Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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