I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
