is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just invented taco cereal.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
