i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
