His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
