Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
