I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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