I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
