we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
