Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
operation have a gay friend backfired
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
