You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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