Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
