Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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