like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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