roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
