Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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