what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
