yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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