Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
