Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
