ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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