I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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