He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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