I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
