just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
