I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
