how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
