He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
