she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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