i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
