I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
