So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
