every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
