he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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