Moan for me like Helen Keller
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
