You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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