You're my little dorito
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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