Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
