i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
