Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
