So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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