Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
