I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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