The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
