i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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