she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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