New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
